One of my personal values is fairness. I define fairness as “holding yourself to the same standards and expectations you hold others”.
I like this value. It serves me well most times. Yet there’s a shadow side to fairness, and for me it appears as vindictive righteousness.
When I see someone behave above the “rules” they have established, instead of being curious and empathetic, I lean heavy into what’s good for the goose is good for the gander and I take it upon myself to “teach them a “valuable lesson” that they are not better then anyone else.
It’s is not pretty. I’m fast, it’s downright nasty.
Yet I can justify betraying my value of being fair because someone else stepped on my value first. How very kindergarten of me 🤦♂️
Values are the guiding principles that inform our behaviours and our choices. They serve us well until we betray them and live in their shadow.